I gave a homeless man money today.

I gave a homeless man money today.

Doesn't seem like a big deal. Nothing really to write about, but...

I gave a homeless man money today.

I have never been the type of person to give money to strangers on the street. For years I worked as a social worker and I used that as an excuse to not give money, hell, I barely had any to give most of the time. I always said that I'm giving back to the universe by deciding to work as a social worker. What I do will eventually get to the person that has his hand out. Maybe not today, but in a gesture by SOMEONE ELSE.

When I decided that social work was just too much emotionally for me, I still used it as the excuse to why I didn't give money to people on the street. One day I realized that I couldn't say that anymore and I had to actually think about why I still didn't give money.

Was it the hundreds of people that I saw in the city (Detroit and DC) that made me realize that my little bit of money would really make no difference in their lives? Naw, that wasn't it.

Was it just that I was selfish, yes partially.

But for the most part, I couldn't give a good enough reason to myself why I didn't do it. So I just wandered the earth keeping my money and ignoring those who were in need. What a big change for someone who made such a big deal of other social workers who would raise money for the homeless, but wouldn't even give the homeless woman the respect of looking her in the eye when you refuse your assistance.

Walked away from her like she didn't exist. Foul.

So, there I was walking through Foggy Bottom and I saw a Black man, mid thirties, fairly clean sitting on a stump with a plastic cup. He had a sign that said I'm homeless, god bless you (or some such thing) and he didn't look like he was without a home. In fact, if he hadn't had the covered shopping cart and sign, you would have mistaken him for a resident getting some much needed rest.

I saw him 50 yards before I got to him. I put my magazine up in front of my face, a little higher than normal so that he wouldn't be able to catch my eye. As I strolled past him, I stumbled and accidently looked at him. I had been so worried about whether or not he would see me and found that he was looking away from me just as I was to him.

For some reason, the look that I saw in his eyes actually stopped me in my tracks momentarily. I saw what I was doing and it didn't seem cool. Who am I to turn away from a person in need? Who am I to pretend that someone doesn't even deserve the acknowledgement of a "No"?

I continued to walk down the street but not far because before I knew it I was digging in my purse for my wallet and my last $5 bill.

I walked back to him and put it in his cup. He looked at me and said "Thank You".

I can't tell you what was different about this homeless man. One of millions that stopped me. Maybe it was the look of shame at having to ask for money in the first place. Maybe it was my superstitious nature that warns that one day, this could be you.

Or maybe it was the stumble right in front of him that made me wonder if God was trying to tell me to help this brother out.

I don't know and I've thought about it all day. All I do know is...

I gave a homeless man money today for no reason other than it seemed like the right thing to do. It seemed like I could actually make a difference.

Will this be a start of a trend. Probably not. But for some reason it just seemed noteworthy in a time in my life when all I can think about is me, my baby and my man. Where I could give a good goddamn about Iraq, Israel or Jon Benet's killer.

Today I gave a homeless man money and that is by far the most important thing that I did today.

The beginning

I have been meaning to start a blog for about a year but only did so in order to comment on a friends adventures. That basically sums up my life, thinking but only doing when absolutely necessary. Stay tuned for the thrilling adventures of Dr. Nappy Mommy!